17th January 2009 10:12-11:27

It feels so close
Yet so far
As if you are just in front of me
Yet so unreachable

My thought searches for you every second
My mind sees you every moment
During my half consciousness
Making myself drown into
My own world of illusion

My lips kissed yours in every darkness
My hands touched you every midnight
During my unconscious moments
Making myself drown into
My own world of hope and dream

My eyes found you every night
My feelings reach out for you with every words
Yet I feel as though I am just
Whispering an unheard prayer

Illusions, imaginations, dreams
Unconscious lies
Unrequited feelings
Unbestowed wishes and prayers

I do not know what to believe
I see no truth nor reality
Seduced by the fog of desire
Blinded by the fog of
White lies, illusions, dreams

Perhaps it is the distance
That hurts me so
But it is the truth of reality
Of you not belonging to me
Rips me inside out
Agonizingly



Wow..I even sound emo while writing for Her <_<|||
Sweat me.

14th January 2009 11:15-20:06

All those passions I see in your eyes
All those feelings I felt inside
All those increased beats of my heart
Are what made me believe

While your spirit gives me
Strength and will
I could see it
I could feel it
But you do not seem to realize

It is as if I could feel
What your heart tells you
As if I could read
What your mind tells you

All we need is to give in
Into our heart’s desire
All we need is to put trust
Into the feelings we felt

If your heart and feelings
Tells you to seek for affection
Something more than friendship
But your mind tells you to stop
From giving into desire
Your decision

If you ever decided
For something more or less
There is no need to seek far
For I will always be here for you

14th January 2009 11:15-20:06

All the passion in your eyes
All the feelings in your soul
All the love that is in your heart
Are what composes you

While your spirit reminds me
Of fire and strength
But you can not seem to see it
Or your conscious seems to hide it

In your heart you feel it is real
But in your mind it is disbelief
In your heart you feel it is true
But your thoughts deceive you

All you need is to believe
In your heart
All you need is to be true
To your feelings

If you seek for affection
And can not seem to find it
Seek from a dissimilar soul
A resemblance in your composure

You do not have to seek for
Nor do you have to seek low
For this unique person
Is someone you know
Just in front of you

Fraud Filled Lies 10-10-2008 08:43

This world
Filled with frauds
Lies
Facades

There is
No one could be trusted
No one to believe
Only lies remained

Everything is
An illusion
Everyone wears
A mask

Trust not even
Oneself
For you have
Your own masquerade

Everything is
An illusion
Everyone wears
A mask

We live our lives
With a mask
A fake smile
Down this endless path
Full of lies
We call reality



In this world,right now,there is no such thing as TRUTH anymore..

You Don't 01-10-2008

I can't feel
Can't remember
If only
I wish

Tell me
What I could do
Not
What should I do

Cause you
Don't know
Don't understand
My feelings

Who are you
To judge
To say as if
You understand me?

Who are you
To tell me
What I should do
Thinking that as if
You know how I feel?

You know not
My thoughts
You understand not
My feelings

You have
No rights
I have
My own thoughts

You know
Nothing
Only I understand
My own feelings




Nobody can completely understand another person,in your ways of speaking,you might not even know a little of how they felt.

Mascarade

As we fight
Hidden pain
Numbing heartaches
My tears fall
All over again

Walking away
Hiding behind a masquerade
You are the one
Who I do not understand

I think of you and nothing else
As the agonizing pain returns
I close my eyes
And grit my teeth

As the tiredness begin
I build my mask
I build my wall
And hold my tears

As the numbness and pain came
I clench my fists
And punches the wall
Hoping it will take away
My tears and heartaches

I will learn
To withhold my tears and pain
I will learn
To withhold my words
And walk away with a masquerade



Anger is a very... Uncontrollable and Dangerous thing.

Nothing

Before you left
I saw your eyes
They are no longer warm and caring
Your eyes are in a daze
Dark and foggy
Just like the night
You left

Your heart turn into maze
Where I could not find
Leaving me lost inside
Cold and dark
You left

My heart is no longer full of feelings
But empty and cold
If I could, I would have wish
I never had one from the beginning
For this pain is unbearable
Why?

My days are gray
Consumed by darkness
No longer different from the night
Nothingness is all I had
Why?

My mind is empty
Empty and gray
All thoughts are dead
You left
Why?

I no longer have the will to live
For you see
My life is meaningless without you
So empty, unfeeling, garish, and dark
Because
You left

I no longer have any reason to live
And this is where everything will end
Why?
Because, this is what you have left behind
Emptiness, thoughtless, nothingness



What have you done to me...? This ain't random.

Gone

Now I want you when you are gone
And now it is like you are holding something just in front of me
Where the place we been together before
I could not say I do not like it

Since where and when did I start to write these down?
You were standing right there before anything happens
Letting me plunge you into my world
You have made my world insane
Yearning for you every day and night

It comes alive
And I die a little more
As I know as stillness shatters
And drown both of us into the darkness

I will stand and fight
Until the end
I will not be afraid of death
Bury me tonight my beloved
Burn my soul and destroy my mortality

Please believe me
That this cruel world deceives me
Do not stand me up
Leave me for I have fallen
And this will be the beginning of the endless love

What makes you think that it will all works out in the end?
Afraid to feel that I do not have to try and pretend
That I am immortal and immune to all that is wrong?
Never keep on wishing, for this is the end

You stared the dark starless night in wonder
Wondering who will be the one to bring the me that belonged to you down
Never wondering if that person will be nobody but yourself
Find your martyr for I am sure you have created the destiny

Light a fire under my bones so when I die
I could die for you at least
And die alone
It is not nothing for me to end up like this



Love is INSANE... INSANE I TELL YOU!

Unwanted Innocence

Blow away the fog
Take away the sight
Kill every single blissful dream
Make me realize that everything is not beautiful

Show me that
The world is not that bright
Show me every reason
For why I have to fight

Drag out the cruel reality
And make me watch
Make me wanna scream
Do something to kill my every dream

Bring me something
That would shatter my heart
Do not even try to save my dreams
I do not want you to save what is left of me

Because you see
I do not want this innocence anymore
And I will no longer have



Innocence eh...? I wonder if there's still any of innocence left in this world..?

Your Words

Thousand of lies which made that pathway only to one truth,
Just for the questions I asked myself
Which I’ve been searched with this false identity

Flames which burns the memories of a true past
Lying to myself, oh, how I never wanted to understand
The meaning of one word ‘Love’

This scars that I received from betraying myself and this cruel world
Yet just those simple words you said are keeping me alive
Are memories so important that I am still able to breath?
Or is it you the only reason that I was able to live on?

The many battles that I fought with no reason
The words, the bloodsheds, the bondages, the pain and the death
An unknown world which has surrounded me all this time
It was you who opened my eyes into this reality

The blue sky is so simple compared to what is below it
The simple treasure I look at
This is so confusing
Yet so easy to understand

Is this what I have been searched for all my life within the darkness?
Just to be emotionless?
Just to be heartless?
Just to be tearless?
And just to be nothing?

No, it is wrong, so damn wrong
I have been fighting with only one reason even without realizing
With only one simple yet important reason, you
I stand and fight only for you

Everything in this world has to struggle to reach it
And to protect, I will stay alive to be strong
And will keep on fighting for you without any doubt in my heart
You are every reason I need to keep my will
The only reason I will keep on living in this cruel world
And your words would strengthen my will
Keeping me living and fight on




Did someone just DIED...?Nope,just another of my emotional randomness...

Tears of Gray

My heart is a maze
Where no one can find
The undying secrets
Of deep feelings inside

The colors of my heart
The rainbow lying deep
Never shines as bright
As the hues you thought you saw

The black that fills my lungs
With its suffocating air
Full of sorrow
Lost hope and nothing but despair

The tears of gray
That clouds my misty eyes
Spills down my cheeks
With profound despise

Of broken promise
And fraud filled lies
That no one seems to compromise
My heart throbs with at times

And the flames began to fire
My tattered heart
And deep bruised soul
And taunted with desire

My fury blinds me
And takes control
Red is all I see
Rage is all I felt

Chains that holds me down
As I tried desperately to break free

I carried the weight of sorrow on my shoulder
Loneliness had consumed me into the dark
Shades of blue makes me felt
So alone in this world


Out of place with the peoples
I stand in my corner
All alone in the dark

My heart is ripped to shreds
Already broken apart
The faint light in the distance
Seemed to grow smaller and smaller each day that passed by

The pieces left of my happy heart
Are being blown away
Consumed by darkness

Curse that was set upon my soul
For going in and coming out of darkness
Will eat away all my happiness

Who will catch me when I fall?
Who will save me when I am dying?
Who will be there when I needed desperately?

Overcome by rage
Consumed by darkness
Falling into night
My body and soul
Will shatter into pieces


Emo.. Emo... Emo.... Complete Emo+Randomness!

Love's Midnight Blue

No love can wait forever
Drenched and standing
Under the rain

No heart can willingly remember
A message written in tears
Blood and pain

So I sit there
By a broken window
Repeating words
That are lost in the wind

How is it the sky cries my tears?
How is it only thunder can roars my pains?
Why can only lightning light my fears?
Why is it only clouds feel unstained?

Is it not my mind entitled
To more than heartaches?
Is it not my head
Can only feel the migraines?
And my heart
Filled with memories

But how can it be
That the rain brings me sadness
When its sole purpose
Is to bring life?

And how can your cheers
Brought me madness?
How can be that
Your kind words are as sharp as arrow
That could pierce through my heart?

But I have learn that
Nothing is what it is suppose to be
Life is meant to be lived with twists

So why can’t it make my soul see
Make my soul open it’s eyes
That my sadness
Had made me blind to what I have missed

What good is a comforting word
Full of questions that never voiced?
No one can help being turned
When one sorrow is only by choice

You should know that
Not everything would hurt you
Though every wound would leave a scar
You should know that
Not every love is midnight blue



Again,one of my favorite,randomness~~~

A Wish for the Night

Born from the silence, silence full of it
Perfect concern to my beloved
So much to live for, so much to die for
If only my heart have a home

Sing what you can’t say
Forget what you can’t play
Hasten drown into beautiful eyes
Walk within my poetry, this dying music
My love letter to nobody

Never sigh for a better world
For it is already composed, played and told
Every thought the music I wrote
Everything is a wish for the night

Wrote for the eclipse, wrote for the virgin
Died for the beauty, the one in the garden
Created a kingdom, reached for the wisdom
Failed in becoming a god

If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, song maker’s cry, the one without tears
For I’ve given this strength, and it had became my only strength
Comforting home, lover’s lap, chance for immortality
Where being wanted became a thrill I never knew
The sweet piano writing down my life

Teach me passion for I fear it’s gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give
I’m sorry
Time will tell, this bitter farewell
I live no more to shame nor me nor you

As the soul sang
It’s the path I chose
Within deep in my heart
The lonely soul that loves
That never comes to an end



One of my Personal Favorite.. Randomness!

Love I Yearn

Moonlight flashes dimly tonight
Your silhouette passes through the open glade
The ocean laps gently on the shore
Not so my pounding heart which thunders in my chest

A myriad star glisters in the sky
You moved away I wonder why
The warmth has gone
The sky turns black
You have gone away
But I wanted you back

My love lies pounded
On the reef
Sad, broken
And shattered in grief

Demons of the night
Conspire to destroy the tender thoughts
The love within is strangled
As breath was caught

You told me yes
And then no
I never knew where to go
Or what to do

You open your arms
To draw me in
And then said no
It is a sin?

Your gaze with longing
Deep in my eyes
Then said it is wrong
To have desires?

You are gentle
Tender and yet so strong
Then cold and hard
And said it is wrong

You came into my heart like a tornado
With one glance
Ripped my heart out from my chest

But you threw it away
Like a piece of crumpled paper

Your face shone out
And drew me to you
Your touch is tender
Your smell is sweet
You crushed me with your steel exterior

You took my love
And trampled it under your feet
I stand at the outside
But still I yearn to be within

I close my eyes
And dream one day this sin
I know it is a sin
But yet I still yearn for it





Emo emo emo...That's all I can say.

Immortal Love

Immortal Love, it is the two words which had brought a great many tragic tales of regretful love, of the very same love that lasts for eternity and continues even in death. It was just two ordinary words uttered by an insignificant person in a time long ago which had never fade away like how it should. Two words which birthed a revolution in the world of love sap and romance novels.

Immortal Love, weaklings wished for this love to exist, for this love to befall upon them. I call them weaklings because of their foolishness, because then day when perfect and immortal came in a single moment would be the day where time would stop altogether. In the indifferent eyes of the naked truth, nothing is ever perfect.

Immortal Love, it was the love that was supposed to last for eternity, love that existed in tragic tales of regretful love, of the very same love that continues even in death. It was just two ordinary words uttered by an insignificant person in a time long ago which had never fade away like how it was supposed to. Two words which had birthed the revolution to the world of love sap and romance novels. Immortal Love, everyone and every soul wished for this love to exist, for this love to befall upon them. Perhaps if they waited long enough, it would.

Nothing is ever perfect in this imperfect world, nothing is ever immortal. But that does not matter, for what matter is the process of striving to achieve the impossible perfect and immortality. What matter was actually not the result but the process.

Weaklings are those who give up, not those who continue on fighting with determined mind and will to achieve the immutable perfectness and immortality without the thought of giving up.





No,I do NOT understand what is love when I was writing this.. I have no idea how did this came out either!

Blood Searing Heart

Love is empty
Love is weak
I hold my breath
Afraid to speak

I cried in rage and sorrow
At the loves that passed by
Yet I pray for strength
For one more try

I want to soar
Above the clouds
With a thumping heart
To stand proud

To take this love
And shout with pride
To have us
Standing side by side

But I realize
There is no strength inside me
Days that I wished
Will never come

After all those tears
I have drowned in
All those cuts
Blood still runs down

The distance between us is hurting
My heart seared
But the closeness
Is what really kills me





Randomness!

Guarding another from the love of another
Leaving you with nothing tonight
Why does it sound like the devil is laughing?
Leaving me haunting tonight
You did decide

Now I want you, when you are gone
And now it is like,
You are holding something just in front of me

Well then, I cannot allow this became another
One of those times that I am left in the cold and silent, dead
There is no compromise
Just another tie
I know I need to sever

Ever haunted, by the trappings of this life
Sweet redemption, just in front of me
Well now, it seems once again I have lost another
One of the ones that have broken through the wall

Damned
Fate will not compromise
I have betrayed my soul
And now the devil is laughing

You were bold and strong, and ready to begin your life
All for nothing, you were sacrificed
You began alone, and so it will be when you die
All for nothing, will you be remembered?


Again,another Random Thoughts I guess...

Empty Raged Eyes

Take the dagger
Under the dim moonlight
And pierce through this lonely heart
In the darkness of midnight

Let my spirit soar
Leave this meaningless life

Lift my head high
And look into the sky
That does not even exist

Blind my raged eyes
For red is all I could see
Darken my eyes
From the garish
Cold and unfeeling light

How long could I live
Within this dark
Cold world
Full with cruelty?

Looking into a piece of the shattered mirror
All my raged eyes could see is nothing
But a soulless body with red and empty eyes

Like the mirror
My heart is shattered
Leaving me nothing but a soulless body
And red raged yet empty eyes



Random as Always!

Bitter and Dark

Cold and dark
My mind may seem
A flicker in the darkness
Was what keeping me to go on

This face cold
Thin eyes piercing
My emotions subtle
But inside I scream

The flicker in the darkness
Is small and meek
Is it the burning light of flame
What I truly desire
Or is it the ability to find myself what I seek?

Look deeply inside myself to find
The shadow of the soul I hide behind
No longer shall I tend to the flicker

Hidden in the darkness
Of my mind and thoughts
The flicker will die
Leaving here cold
Bitter and dark





I don't really remember what I was thinking when I was writing this.. Hahaha,man it's like more than 3 years ago!